BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA — Kevin Nguyen is a Freshman Biochemistry Major at the University of California, Berkeley.
He has “ABG” tattooed on his right arm ( “Arterial Blood Gas”) and “SAT” on the left (an ode to both the Scholastic Aptitude Test and Subtle Asian Traits).
Bubble tea, memes, and perpetually disappointing his parents are some of Kevin’s hobbies. But his all-time favorite — is raving.
However, unfortunately, he has not been able to get a “rave bae” to go to events with.
The perfect girl to hoist onto his shoulders and take pics with to put on Snapchat or Instagram was just out of reach.
So, he decided to shoot his shot and recently turned to online dating as the solution.
Even with his undeniable swagger, Kevin has been struggling to get matches on the popular dating app Tinder.
He had a great photo of himself with a bottle of Henny. Another Asian squatting at Ezoo. Then there was that selfie with that Tiger Sugar Kevin waited 7 years to get.
To finish it all off was a quirky joke (about boba) for people to read, but nothing seemed to work.
Well, that was the case until he updated his bio to include the fact that he scored a 5 on the AP Chemistry Exam.
Yes, it was reminding the potential dating pool about his conquests in the classroom during high school that finally won over the women on his campus.
They were wooed by his standardized test-taking ability, getting potential college credit at just the tender age of 18.
“Broooo, those swipes are coming in super HOT! Like an exothermic reaction. Which you would know what it was if you also got a 5 in AP Chemistry,” said Kevin.
Unfortunately, Kevin is currently failing Introductory Chemistry 1A at Berkeley.
