NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Brian May was madly in love with his girlfriend, Marie Curie.
They adopted a cat together and were considering taking the next step in their relationship (holding hands).
However, Robert became fazed by Marie’s unrealistic assumptions in physics, such as neglecting air resistance.
“Doesn’t she know this is real life? Or does she think this is a fantasy?” said Brian.
They had even tried counseling with some of the best (basically any mental health professional not on a college campus), but ideal conditions were not possible.
Even their therapist, Niels Bohring, thinks it might be too late for them.
“Brian thinks he’s in the center of everything! What’s next? There’s small negatively charged electrons orbiting him with different energy levels, or something?” said Bohring.
Marie disagrees with Bohring’s assessment. “We’re a really grounded relationship, sure we get energized sometimes and go into an excited state. But it’s the same wavelength we’re on.”
Brian’s mother, Justina Smith, wishes he would be a little less picky.
“Sure, that Curie girl can be a little radioactive sometimes, but she’s so smart! Definitely smarter than Brian, who’s trying to get into academia for a living.”
However, Robert, while acknowledging he is dense and small right now, believes it should be over for good reasons.
“First it’s not considering air resistance, and then it’s using PV=nRT,” said Robert.
Regardless, they both still love their cat, which they named Schrodinger (whose namesake “Schrodinger’s cat” seems to be an apt analogy for the couple’s relationship status).
“We mutually agreed to be there for Schrodinger no matter what happens, to support him and make sure all he is well-fed. Something my doctoral advisor should try doing with me,” said Marie.
Brian seconded Marie, “We love you, Schrodinger, dead or alive. But preferably alive.”
