BREAKING NEWS: Undergraduate Research Assistant Is Actually Competent

CLEVELAND, OHIO — In what may be an even greater achievement than Neil Armstrong’s first step on the moon, Dr. Jonas Salk’s invention of the polio vaccine, and the birth of Keanu Reeves, Michael Yoon, a Sophomore at Case Western Reserve University, is a competent Research Assistant.

Michael has been working in Associate Professor Ishoud Peymahrasmo’s Pathology Lab, under the tutelage of Principal Investigator Dr.Wenquan Zouh.

Michael is the reason his PI smiled for the first time in 17 years.

“As far as undergraduate RAs go, Michael is satisfactory,” said Zouh, expressing some of the strongest praise the Principal Investigator has ever given.

Case Western is also considering bestowing a special award to Mr.Yoon.

President of the University, Barabara Pretzels, has convened a special committee to decide what that would entail.

“We’ve raised the possibility of Michael speaking at graduation. To be honest, he could go on stage and make an assortment of chicken noises. That would probably be more insightful, relatable, and less cliched than the stock speaker we had in store,” said President Pretzels.

However, Michael wants everyone to know he didn’t really expect, nor want, the attention.

“I never knew I would become viral, please stop wearing face masks around me. I’m just a normal guy that likes mouth pipetting, messing up western blots, and forgetting the Krebs cycle.”

Stephanie Harrison, Michael’s significant other, says he’s just humble.

“Michael draws perfect hexagons during organic chemistry. Also, he maintains eye contact during lovemaking.”

The big question for our readers is wondering what is next for Michael Yoon? Where does the Michael Jordan of research go from here?

There’s been a rumor that Mr.Yoon is launching a brand of cleaning wipes for laboratory equipment called “Yoonwipes” (not to be confused with the brand run by his uncle Tech Kim).