MEDFORD, MASSACHUSETTS — Idaho Jones Ph.D. is an archeologist based at Tufts University who has been studying ancient Summerian remains in modern-day Iraq.
To Dr.Jones, and no one else’s surprise, there is a lack of funding for his niche research.
So to secure more financial support, the Ph.D. decided to coordinate with the University’s Archeology Department to figure out a way to bring in more revenue.
The Department decided to consult with a team of experts. It included the founders of WeWork, Theranos, and Enron. Several Universities that advertise their academic programs in ads on Hulu and TV were also available.
The final result was a scheme to convince directionless recent college graduates to join Tufts’s graduate school program in Archeology.
They, in turn, would recruit two of their friends to join, making a small commission on the side.
Dr.Jones is still tweaking the marketing materials for the venture.
“How does: Want to become your own boss? We have this multi-level marketing opportunity that you will absolutely dig. I think the ‘kids’ will love us using lingo they can relate to, which will create a lot of attention for us.”
The project did attract a lot of attention. From the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), that is.
The FBI decided to arrest Dr.Jones on investment fraud.
Special Agent Arti Fak, who is overseeing the case for the federal government, felt it was one of the most egregious instances for institutional disregard for students.
“This is a clear case of exploiting the dreams of students, that hope to secure financial stability, for monetary gains. It’s almost as if they were student loan lenders.”
Chair of the Archeology Department at Tufts University, Dr. Corinthian Potary, is distancing himself from the situation.
“I wouldn’t say this was a pyramid scheme. It was more like a polyhedron that had a square base and four triangles on each side, that connected at an apex point.”
