ITHACA, NEW YORK — Students at Cornell University are struggling to fulfill their graduation requirements because their prerequisite classes have become overenrolled.
Jack Ross is a Sophomore in the Engineering School at Cornell and felt disillusioned by the process.
“I drank 2 monsters and snorted 10g of crushed Gimme! Coffee beans to stay awake for 7 am enrollment. Then the University internet decided to pull a United-States-Congress, stop working at the most important time possible. I didn’t get Introduction to Norweigan Fingerpainting. How am I going to triple major now?”
Jung Kim, a Senior, agreed that there was campus-wide dissatisfaction with how scheduling is coordinated.
“The online enrollment system is like if Okenshields [the campus dining hall] decided to make a website in 1986 and didn’t update it for the past 34 years.”
VP for Information Technology, Dean Sunny Itaka, wants to reassure the campus that the administration is committed to resolving the issue.
“Our staff is working 2/7 to resolve this issue. Those two hours per day, we get a lot done.”
Faculty are also feeling overwhelmed with the enrollment issues, as Professor Introto Wiens can attest to.
“When students don’t get the classes they need, they decide to audit for weeks on end, hoping someone will drop it so they can pick it up. I had one student buy a tent and camp outside my office to get a seat. Then a bunch of other students joined him in a line thinking the new Yeezys were being released.”
However, significant changes are expected to be released in the next iteration of course selection.
“It’s still in its early stages, but we’re experimenting with a new process for getting classes. It involves taking students who didn’t get their required courses and putting them together in a Hunger-Games-esque scenario at Schoellkopf Football Field. The last person standing gets their perfect schedule.”
