UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY – Struggling to keep her head above water in Introduction to Biology 101, first-year student and part-time micro-influencer Ashley Peters has turned to relentlessly searching on the internet “How do I get an A in this class” up to four times per day, sources confirmed. “I just don’t know how I’m ever going to ace this class,” said Peters between frantic internet queries for tips on studying, paying attention in lectures, and acing exams. “This class moves so fast and there’s so much information. I’ve just been searching up ‘how to get an A in biology’ nonstop to try to make sure I don’t fail.”
Peters typically starts her day by waking up 20 minutes early to hurriedly search “easy biology study tips” followed by “how to take notes fast” before sprinting across campus to barely make it to her 8am bio lecture. This is all while maintaining a consistent social media posting schedule of her daily “Day in the Life of a Berkeley Student” and “Study Hacks for Aspiring Pre-Meds.”
During class, Peters feverishly attempts to write down every word, diagram, and fact her professor says, knowing she’ll have to look up 90% of it again later to even remotely understand what’s going on.
The anxious student then spends her 15-minute break between classes looking up “how to get good grades in college biology” and “biology exam study prep,” hoping she can absorb enough information to perform well on the next quiz. In the evening, at least three more desperate searches for “bio study hacks” and “memorizing biology terms fast” happen before Peters collapses into bed around 3am, exhausted from a day of panicked academic googling. At press time, Peters was contemplating switching her major to communications after the Biology Department announced the upcoming exam would focus heavily on the Krebs cycle.
