INDIANA UNIVERSITY—According to students enrolled in Professor Hunter’s “Introduction to Comparative Politics” course, political science major Vivek Ram reportedly fell asleep within the first 10 minutes of Monday’s 9 AM lecture and proceeded to sleep soundly through the remainder of the three-hour class. “Vivek always sits in the very back row and passes out almost immediately,” said fellow classmate Ron Santis. “This time, though, he was out cold for the entire lecture. He was snoring loudly, muttering in his sleep, and even drooled a bit on himself. I have no idea how he slept through the professor’s booming, monotone voice and constant clicking through endless PowerPoint slides.”
Remarkably, when the lecture ended promptly at noon, Vivek—still in a deep, coma-like slumber—was somehow clenching a freshly printed Political Science diploma in his hands despite having just begun his third year at the university. “When he didn’t wake up as people were leaving, I went over to check on him and saw the diploma lying there next to him,” said Taft. “It looked totally legit and had his name, university seal, and even a detectable aroma of fresh ink on it. I have no clue how he got it or whether he even learned anything in class today.”
Vivek was eventually awoken by campus security who were called to investigate what appeared to be a dead body still sitting upright in a chair. “All I did was rest my eyes for a bit,” a severely disoriented Vivek said later. “I barely remember anything from today’s lecture except counting the dots in the ceiling tiles. I definitely don’t know enough to have graduated already.” Nonetheless, the university has confirmed Vivek earned his four-year Political Science degree after just a short mid-morning nap, bypassing years of exorbitant tuition fees, stressful exams, and tedious assignments.
University officials remain baffled by the mysterious diploma and are scrutinizing it closely. They are unable to understand how a student could sleep through a course and be granted a degree in one of the most difficult and academically rigorous subjects at the University, political science.
Meanwhile, they are also urging all students to immediately enroll in Professor Hunter’s coveted course before it fills up. Many excited students have already added it to their schedules in hopes that they too can earn a degree by simply sleeping through a lecture or two.
