TEMPE, ARIZONA — Joshua Constanza is a Freshman at Arizona State University, entering his first Calculus class ever.
However, he’s not worried: “College Calculus is going to be easy! I mean, I was Valedictorian for my small rural High School, that had a graduating class size of almost seven people.”
Joshua believes achieving mastery over “completing the square” and “slope-intercept equations” will suffice in getting that coveted A for Introductory Calculus.
“I was thinking of even being a math major. I scored in the 50th percentile for it during my state exams, so like I was better than 50 people in my entire state,” said Joshua.
Professor Joseph Butler, the instructor to Joshua’s calculus class, feels the freshman should be a little less optimistic about his future.
“I can’t wait to crush his love for math. Oh, did I say that out loud? I only meant to convey that through a soul-crushing curve that disincentivizes students from putting extra effort.
My questions will be unnecessarily difficult and not aptly reflect the course material. But seriously, I’m doing him a favor!”
Howard Smith, another Freshman, is not as excited for his first day of Calculus.
“I looked online at the Professor’s reviews, and one of them was about how the student began driving faster and stopped wearing a seatbelt in his morning commute to class.
I’m just taking it because the class is a core requirement to graduate. But then again, do I really been to graduate?”
Nevertheless, Joshua remains positive: “Sally McDerdon went to prom with ME. Well, technically, it’s because we carpooled together, and she was actually with Chad Jansen.
But anything is possible! I might even double major in Biochemistry and think about med school. MCAT? I’m more of a dog person, but I can try anything once. Maybe Sally might notice me if I become a doctor?”
